Creating Powerful RelationshipsDebbie Papadakis July 1, 2016
Become Empowered to Live the Life You Want and Resolve Past Traumas
Our relationships define our lives. These range from the obvious romantic relationships to our relationships with our parents, our children, our colleagues or co-workers. Having strong relationships in our lives has profoundly positive effects on how we think and feel. Even when people are not around us, we can feel loved and find ourselves enriched by the comfort of knowing there is someone out there who cares about us.
In my 20 years of work as a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, I have found that many peoples’ painful childhood experiences are affecting their relationships today. These effects can destroy dreams, drag down careers, and hold us back when we should be succeeding: relationships are connected to every other part of our lives. I have seen people debilitated by the after-effects of a childhood trauma with a parent or sibling that never went away, weighing them down through their whole lives. Sometimes, the trauma is not even from this life, but an experience from a past life, in the womb, or embedded in our genealogy.
For example, a woman named Mary came to my office looking for help with her marriage. She was 45 years old, healthy, had been married for 15 years, and had a child, but she felt like her relationship with her husband was coming apart. They didn’t talk about important things, and even though they lived in the same house, they were living their lives separately. They fought over little things and blamed each other for their unhappiness. He would respond to her with anger and she would always end up in tears.
Her situation is common. Sometimes people just find themselves stuck in a rut and can find no cause, but somewhere – in their childhood or before – there is an old hurt, sadness, or decision about their own worth that is causing their problems. It is not, however, necessary for people to stay this way. Healing old wounds and changing old decisions is possible, but we first have to resolve our relationships with parents, caretakers, and with ourselves. Without loving ourselves, we cannot hope to love others, and the key to this is learning how to make peace with the events of our pasts. All of our thoughts – and as a result our actions – come fundamentally from how we interpret the experiences in our past. The good news is that there is a way to heal past events, learn our lessons, and move on to live a healthier and more prosperous life.
Relationships as Energetic Cords
In my experience, the most powerful way to heal relationships is through hypnotherapy combined with psychotherapy, forgiveness, and visualization techniques. Hypnotherapy allows us to access deep-rooted emotional memories stored at the subconscious level. Psycho-therapeutic techniques give us the opportunity to analyze and view different angles of our relationships, while forgiveness and visualization techniques help us to let go of these old hurts.
There is a simple rationale for how these techniques work: we are all energy and the connections between us are links of energy that are changeable if we open our minds to visualization. These links – called ‘cords’ – take on the qualities of the energy in the relationship and represent it in their appearance. Each time we meet someone, cords form between us that have different physical characteristics like colour, shape, and temperature, each representing aspects of the relationship. Looking at relationships as cords with physical qualities makes them easier to understand. It is simple to see what a relationship is like and how to fix it when its emotional essence can be seen and touched. The concept of seeing energy as cords was first developed by the Ancients and the Huna tradition, and has since been adopted by practitioners worldwide. Today, this technique is called ‘Decording’.
The practice of Decording involves clearing, changing, or removing cords between people so that they can heal themselves. It lets people confront past traumas, and by improving their childhood relationships, it improves all the others. Combined with hypnotherapy, Decording is able to access issues at the subconscious level where these memories exist. When hypnotized, the client can pinpoint the root cause of their perceived inadequacy, which can be anything from a past life to a childhood absurdity. They have to forgive themselves and others around them – to give up ill-conceived notions and open up to love.
To do this, we need to examine our lives and honestly evaluate if we are happy with how we are. Anything we find that we do not like has to be changed. We need to go back to our childhood formative events and resolve the pain there, healing the unhealthy emotional connections by learning their lessons and understanding them – and then releasing these experiences by forgiving and letting go. We send love, which transforms the energy of the connection and changes the cords for the better.
As we begin to heal our issues, the cords transform. Sometimes this will involve visualizing a change in the qualities of the cords while healing the relationship. Or they might see the cords melt down so that they completely disconnect and move on. This tangible visualization, combined with conversation, can change a relationship tremendously. Perception is projection, and if within us we have resolved our pain, then we will perceive the relationship as better, even without involving the other person in the process. By changing the energetic cords between two people, we have already involved the other person as much as we need.
For Mary, who could not imagine why her marriage was so broken, hypnotherapy and Decording revealed that whenever she and her husband fought, it triggered the same anger and self-judgement that she had felt as a child when her father had overreacted to her. By forgiving her parents – and herself – for this perceived inadequacy, she was able to transform her relationship. When she thought of her husband after that, it was with love – she could finally open up to him, and as a result he could open up to her, both of them caring for, accepting, and loving one another more.
Completing this process successfully allows us to safely deal with our relationship problems – and their devastating consequences across our lives. With the issues resolved, though, people are quickly empowered to be better and to live the life they want without the dark, unspoken pressure of the past leaning on them.
To help people with this process, I have created a Relationship Code book and CD, which can help people to transform their lives by understanding the dynamics of their relationships, and using my guided relationship healing process and exercise. Take a look at your own relationships – maybe something from your past is holding you back, too.
Debbie Papadakis is a Registered Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Relationship Coach, Reiki Master, Author of The Relationship Code: Heal Your Wounded Heart, Life Between Lives and Past Life Regression Practitioner/Trainer, NGH and IMDHA Trainer for hypnotherapy and founder of the Hypno Healing Institute Holistic Clinic and Training Center in Toronto. She has been featured in Oprah’s O’ Magazine and O’s Big Book Of Happiness, among other media outlets.