The Collective Wound of Not Being Seen and Heard
After about 20 years of my own inner healing work, and listening to many clients tell me their life stories, I’ve arrived at the perspective that the number one need of any person is to feel and know unconditional love – by being seen and heard. When we’re not acknowledged for who we truly are, as a human being and as a beautiful Soul-Spirit, it awakens painful wounding with many tentacles. It’s been that way for eons, ever since the human race was subjugated into the cycle of self-enslavement because the harmony of our Divine Inner Feminine and Divine Inner Masculine was seen as a threat to the dark, anti-life forces. It’s worth reflecting then, that if we’ve learned for so long not to been seen and heard in our wholeness, how can we see ourselves and hear ourselves in our Divinity now?
The Experience of Not Being Seen and Heard
To first get a sense of what this topic might mean to you now, I’ve listed here some of the ways that you may not have been heard or seen as a child in the past. Each is followed by how that may continue to manifest in your current life experience.
- You weren’t allowed to express your emotions; you’re afraid of emotional intimacy, expressing your emotions and sharing your feelings.
- You had your emotions or needs repeatedly dismissed; in conflict, you make yourself wrong by default.
- You were ridiculed for your experiences; you’ve denied your psychic gifts or higher sensory perception.
- Your parents didn’t listen to you when you spoke; people still don’t seem to hear you.
- You weren’t appreciated for your perspective; you don’t speak up and contribute your viewpoint, or you dilute your presence by living the archetype of the fool or crazy one.
- You were told what to do or things were done for you; you don’t see your own capability and how to support yourself.
- You weren’t unacknowledged for your unique gifts; you don’t share your gifts or don’t feel you can be authentically yourself.
- Your accomplishments weren’t celebrated; you don’t pause to celebrate what you’ve accomplished before you set your next goal, or you minimize what you’ve accomplished and any praise you receive.
- You weren’t encouraged to nurture your interests and talents; you don’t have the energy or make the time and space to enjoy them, or you tell yourself they’re not worth cultivating.
- You were always questioned or mistrusted in your desires or choices; you seem to seek approval from others before you accept what you know to be true for you.
- You were programmed into stereotypical gender roles; you don’t own your inner feminine wisdom or you keep busy and stay disconnected from your heart.
If you haven’t yet identified how you were not seen or heard, please take a moment now to ask yourself about that. Let it be made conscious, as otherwise it will continue to be a source of unhappiness and inner conflict. Every one of us came into this incarnation as a wonder of creation – an innocent child full of promise. And we relied on someone to warm us, feed us, and keep us safe.
Your Inner Child’s Pain
No less vital to our physical nourishment was our need to be acknowledged for our uniqueness. To feel cherished and valued we wanted our Mom and Dad, or our caregivers, to listen when we spoke, to see what we could do, and to respect our preferences. And when we felt insecure, we wanted them to notice that we felt scared. In fact, we needed them to acknowledge all of our emotions because these were the most fundamental and earliest means of expressing who we were!!
Since people come to me to help them heal their pain, my work may skew my perception, but I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard somebody say that they felt unconditionally accepted. Even when they tell me that they knew they were loved, they realize that they didn’t feel really acknowledged. Unhealed hurt creates feelings of aloneness, being misunderstood, rejected or abandoned.
This is such a prevalent issue that it’s not attached to birth order or family dynamic in any particular way. For example, an only child may feel she was never heard because she served as mom’s confidante and her own needs were not heard. The second born may have always been compared to his sibling so he was never accepted for his own talents or difficulties. The middle child may feel he was never recognized because he was neither seen as the most reliable nor the one with the greatest needs – he got lost. The youngest child may feel she was not seen because everyone else had already “been there done that’ and she was dismissed. An abused child certainly wouldn’t have been cherished for his/her presence, and the gifted child may have only been acknowledged for her/his intellect.
In all cases, Mom and Dad did the best they could for us, in alignment with their consciousness at the time. For some of us, sadly, this did not just mean that childhood was less than ideal, it meant being treated as invisible. The experience of not being seen and heard varies widely, but no matter how seemingly inconsequential or dire a child’s circumstances, it’s the child’s perception of those experiences that creates their trauma. If it was perceived as shaming, it was shaming, no matter how minor or innocent an incident was to Mom or Dad. If a child feels dismissed for what they feel, say or do, a child feels devalued. If this message of unworthiness or conditional acceptance is repeated often enough, a child learns to think that this is who they are. Self-hatred, self-abandonment and self-rejection is given centre stage in his/her self-perception.
How This Wound is Perpetuated
Not being seen or heard is a tremendous set-up for continuing to seek external approval and validation, perfectionism, pleasing others, trying to belong, sexual manipulation and superficial relationships, substance abuse/addiction, tyrannical behaviour, rebellion of authority, and all sorts of wounded ego coping strategies and sub-personalities.
It’s also easy to see why effective communication can pose to be such a challenge in relationships. If we’re still carrying this wound, a simple misunderstanding can quickly lead to hurt, defensiveness, and unravel any harmony into conflict. Emotional vulnerability and intimacy is frightening if we cannot trust that we will be heard and seen when we share our emotions, needs and desires. Of course, we would want to protect our most precious heart.
The Core Split Between Masculine and Feminine
A child learns who they are through the wounds of Mom and Dad, passed subconsciously from one generation to another. But this is not just childhood pain. It’s a planetary wound rooted in the split between the masculine and feminine energies that has pervaded the collective consciousness. Distorted masculine energies have dominated the feminine through patriarchal controls completely imbalancing this Divine relationship. It’s known as gender splitting and it touches every aspect of our living on Earth and our experiences. It’s at the core of all deception strategies throughout our galactic history, and it leads to soul disconnection and fragmentation.
This planetary wound has impacted every individual’s inner, sacred balance. When the masculine body is not connected, balanced and integrated with the feminine body one is not being acknowledged by the other. The inner wisdom that we receive by our inner Divine feminine is not carried through in compassionate action by our inner, Divine masculine. This is why we have individuals mired in the distraction of doing, and denying the heart, or being too passive, instead of openly flowing with love, and acting upon their inspired, intuitive wisdom.
If we do not heal, and see and hear our Divinity within, we remain split. It begins in childhood.
If a child is not seen, his/her feminine principle learns to disappear.
If a child is not heard, his/her feminine principle learns inner confusion.
If a child is not seen, his/her masculine principle learns to dominate.
If a child is not heard, his/her masculine principle learns to avoid.
The Suppression of the Collective Consciousness
The weight of this gender split influence is in our DNA and Light-body and keeps us thwarted. It’s been carried through many timelines in humanity’s history. In our many other incarnations, many of us were not accepted for being healing expressions of love, expressing intuitive gifts, or leading our lives through Divine intelligence. In fact, we were persecuted, and our cellular memories carry the painful sense that we were abandoned by God. This illusory separation from God creates many spiritual fears: humiliation, self-doubt, losing identity, knowing too much, being locked up, being trapped, losing our soul, etc. These then can manifest as a feeling that it’s not safe to be seen and heard in this world, and that it’s best to stay in the background or stay small.
The hierarchical patterns that have prevailed on this planet are intended to ensure that we stay in our place and do not “rock the boat”. We receive the message that we’re not allowed to be authentically ourselves and be powerfully visible. In fact, we can have inorganic etheric implants that hold fear thought-forms of being found or seen, which distort our conscious desires to be seen and heard. Implants of patriarchal domination that instill a hive mentality can include submitting to external power, carrying out orders, unworthiness, fear of punishment, not questioning authority, and being seen but not heard. Finding our voice to express our truth can seem very frightening, as would accepting our genuine nature.
It would seem that we cannot step into our fullest expression and be seen and heard when these influences run so deep. We can feel frustrated to release the subconscious limitations we continue to place upon ourselves, especially if we inherently know that we’re here with purpose. But our power is greater than our fears. Each person has chosen to be on Earth, and chosen to be here in a way that contributes to humanity, even if we sometimes feel ‘small’, powerless, or lost at times.
If we understand this larger context of our reality, we can acknowledge that not being seen and heard has been enforced on many levels. Instead of living with this wound, we can accept the truth of the way that things are playing out on Earth, and focus on reclaiming our sovereignty with healing.
In every person there is a spark of God’s Light, even if it seems as though that spark is almost indistinguishable. This Light is the foundation of our Light-bodies and this can never been broken, extinguished or suppressed in its entirety. We do, however, have to intend and choose to reclaim and expand it. It takes diligence to work through the layers of resistance and density that we inherit through our ancestry when we come into this incarnation. Some people are here to purposefully clear that ancestral energy for the collective so it can seem especially difficult. Yet, if we choose to be free, healing is possible for everyone.
Seeing and Hearing our Own Divinity
What matters right now, as we make daily choices, is that each of us sees our own Light. It’s up to each of us to see and hear who we truly are as infinite consciousness. This begins with self-honesty: being willing to take a good look at the misperceptions we have of ourselves and listen to our truth. Instead of being afraid of the pain that we may find, we lean into it and confront it, and ask, “Is this the person that I want to be and who I present to the world on a daily basis?” If the answer is ‘no’, then there is work to be done, and we can seek healing support. But this is not about having to push through the obstacles, and nor is it about falling into despair. It’s that each of us can access that part of us that holds the seed of truth instead of the seed of fear.
To see who we are as a vast consciousness being may require imagination and vision. We may not yet feel aligned with our infinite and authentic Spirit, and so when we’re doing our inner work and clearing the pain from our past it can feel heavy. We may wonder at times what we’re moving toward and need encouragement. The tree reminds us of our organic life force. When we plant a seedling we trust in its full nature, its whole potential that’s in its morphogenetic field. Our whole potential is in our field as well. Every part of a tree has value – the branches, the leaves, the blossoms, the roots, its colour, its fragrance, texture shape and its healing properties – and yes, any part can be compromised.
In the same way, every part of us matters – those aspects that have been informed by experiences, internalized messages, and fears as well as joys. Yet, attentive, loving care can heal the painful, wounded parts and open our Divine heart. If we feel that we’re like a weak seedling that will not offer much, then that’s what we will become. But if we can see ourselves in our fullest capacity, then we will see what beautiful fruit and blossoms we have potential to bear, and this is our en-courage-ment. We can inquire within: “What do I still need to see and hear in myself to know my wholeness?” and “What do I still need to see and hear in myself to accept myself fully?” Then imagine giving this to yourself – FEEL it and expand it!
Our planet has evolved from a third-dimensional reality mired in ego to a higher consciousness of the soul. There is no question that we’re ascending. While we collectively and personally continue to evolve there is still much healing to be done. Our vision for ourselves and for humanity is paramount because it can help all of us through our personal and collective transitions with less upheaval and more grace.
When we reclaim and respect our Divine inner feminine and Divine inner masculine we create balanced, inner, sacred marriage. We can then know ourselves as Christ-Sophia, the Divine child that is sacred light, sacred sound, and an expression of infinite love. There is no need to fight to be seen and heard. We can let go. All we need to see and hear is from within. Our God-Self within is our witness.
Let’s practice forgiveness toward those we feel did not see or hear us. Let’s forgive ourselves for not hearing and seeing who we truly are. And let’s remember that sometimes the most gentle, healing words that we can say are simply, ‘I see you, I hear you.” May we direct this love to our inner child first.